Blogs, Digg, Twitter — my entire day revolves around getting the news and having dialog with my friends at an instantaneous rate. I rarely ever sit down and watch TV by channel surfing, all of my favorite shows are recorded on my DVR so I can fast forward through the commercials and get on to the next segment of Iron Chef America as fast as possible. As it becomes easier and easier to achieve this, I’ve been thinking about the evolution of our need for instant gratification.

I’ve got this idea for a blog, mostly as a hobby but definitely something that I’d want to spend some time on and see become successful. The reason I haven’t gotten it together yet is because I don’t have the patience to work on it diligently and at a steady pace, piecing things together until it all falls into place. I don’t mean to come off as a brat because I don’t always get what I want, but I am very used to getting things I want immediately. With a lot of things going on in my life (work, school, family, friends) it’s hard to deal with all of the pressures and not slow down a bit to work on this one thing that I’m really interested in.

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• Figure shit out - I need to get motivated, finish school and find a job for my next co-op. My eyes are opening to how soon things are getting real, what with all of my friends graduating this year.
• Save money - The past two years I’ve blown through my income - both from work and my parents. I need to start saving up so that they can finally cut me loose and I can work on saving up to buy a place, renting is such a waste.
• Be more creative - Stress has allowed my mind to be riddled with too many issues to focus on creativity. I want to get serious with my music and write some songs, maybe record some stuff. I feel like wasted talent is a travesty.
• Eat healthy and get in shape - I’m the fattest and slowest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I need to make use of my expensive gym membership. I’ve been eating out way too much and I just want to get down to some healthy, organic grub.
• Make new friends - I don’t know why I get so shy lately, I have very few friends in Philly and I need a support system and people to just generally have fun with.
• Forget the past - What use is dwelling on the bullshit we’ve created for ourselves? I’d rather have friends than enemies and move on.

The best thing is I feel like these are all pretty easy to accomplish if I set my mind to it. To a new year of Ben.

Cheers.

Already? As usual the year has flown by, but instead of not realizing this until the very last second (11:59PM December 31st) it has come to my attention just now. Why? In the past my winter breaks have been full of adventure, friends, family; nonstop fun. As much as I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or seem like a sad case by saying this, things have really slowed to a crawl lately. I appreciate the time home in the suburbs to relax, but my days have mostly consisted of sleep, putting together a project for work and sitting online. The fact that the majority of my high school friends seem to be in the same rut doesn’t help.

My short term New Year’s resolution? Sort all of this out. I have to filter the bullshit, get my studies on track and forge some new and meaningful relationships. Concerning the latter, I’ve had this resentment for forming bonds lately because I seem to get myself wrapped up in people too easily. Unlike the majority of human beings I meet, I care about others, maybe even sometimes more than myself. It’s just that I feel as if focusing excessively on my own feelings leads down a path to self loathing and self righteousness - two things that are not who I am in the least.

To the person(s) out there reading this that care about me: be there for me and show me that you are. It’s not always so clear.